Gah.
My sister recently posted her senior kindergarten progress report. I don't have a copy of mine handy, but I have a sneaking suspicion that it might say something about my not playing particularly well with others.
There is a very small community of Canadians in Quantico. As a result, we have to work together on a presentation about Canada for the International Officers' Wives Club. (The term "International" is a bit of a misnomer. About 90% of the membership is American. It should really be called "The Officers' Wives Club (with some honorary foreign members)". But I digress.) There are four of us working together on the presentation, and I am butting heads with one lady in particular.
It is pretty hard to condense Canada into a 10 minute presentation, so I did a rough mock-up focussing on what I thought would be a few key points of interest to a group of people who have never been further north than Niagara Falls. I did this because no one else offered to. I should have known the old addage of not pleasing everyone would hold true.
Basically, I included a three-bullet history of Canada, an explanation of the name "Canada", and then launched into some of the fun things Canada has to offer... for those who enjoy the outdoors, Canada has the largest park in the world; for those who enjoy shopping, Canada has the largest mall in North America, and for those who are interested in history, Canada has the oldest fortified city (Québec) in the "New World". This is where the other lady took umbrage. See, she comes from another fairly historical part of Canada, which I did not mention. I neglected to do so, because the whole bloody country is historical, and I could go on for a hell of a lot longer than 10 minutes talking solely about the nation's history, but most people wouldn't find it particularly interesting. We (I and the other two participants) tried to get her to move on to the next slide, but with each click of the mouse, she'd bring up some other obscure, mundane historical fact from her hometown. (A hometown with which I am intimately familiar, and which I know for a fact is not quite as interesting to outsiders as the residents believe it to be.) GET OVER IT!
The other point at which we bumped heads was when I offered to provide photos of Toronto for the slide describing it as the most culturally diverse city in the world. I suggested we add pictures of the various cultural festivals and parades that take place throughout the year. Before I could even finish the last syllable of "parade", she jumped in with "God, just don't put any photos of that Gay Pride Parade up there. What a bunch of sick transvestites. It's embarassing." That's a direct quote. You will all be proud of me for not grabbing her by the scruff of the neck and slamming her forehead into my dining room table at that point, but trust me, it took every last shred of will in my body not to do so. How someone can be so disgracefully oblivious as to come into my home and unabashedly spout such ignorance is astonishing to me. GAH!
Needless to say, I do believe that will be the last time I allow her to grace me with her presence in my own home. Sadly, however, I do have another organizing meeting to go to today where I will have to deal with her.
Comments
I did not hear you mention anything about the world's largest cookoo clock located in Kimberley BC...really if that is not in your presentation, then I don't what IS canadian!
You are much stronger willed than me, as I think I would have b!+ch slapped her.
Did you ask to see her passport to make she was is Canadian??
Posted by: Tracy at January 29, 2008 09:14 PM
You definitely want to point out to your 90% american audience that the North Pole (and thus Santa Claus) is in Canada and that America's favourite sport - Basketball - was actually invented by a Canadian.
But I suggest you change the focus entirely and just focus on "Giant Stuff in Canada". Canada's a giant country. Americans are into giant stuff. It's only appropriate. And even you'd be surprised by how much giant stuff we have in Canada. There's the park and the mall that you already mention, and the cuckoo clock that tracy points out. But there's also the giant nickel in Sudbury, the giant fiddle in Nova Scotia, the giant twoonie in Campbellford, and the giant light bulb in Oshawa.
Posted by: heather at January 30, 2008 02:45 PM
You have the largest dumptruck in Sparwood, BC. Worlds Largest Hockey Stick in Duncan, BC
Alberta is home to a surprising assortment of the world's "largest," including: The World's Largest Badminton Racket, Beaver, Bee, Chuckwagon, Dinosaur, Easter Egg, Mushroom, Oil Lamp, Piggy Bank, Putter, Sundial, and Western Boot.
the Great Wall of Saskatchewan near Smiley
and of course World's Largest Donair Meat in Edmonton... http://www.roadsideamerica.com/tips/getAttraction.php?tip_AttractionNo=%3D7505 ...then again, you will then spend too much time trying to explain what a donair is...
If you want visuals...My facebook has pictures of Mr. Bubbles with the cuckoo clock, the goose in Wawa, the nickle, cn tower and the Stanley Cup...but the big fish, I think that is minnisota
Posted by: Tracy at January 30, 2008 10:21 PM
Wow... Tracy knows her stuff! Knowing Americans as I do, this topic will either be a smash hit presentation and the americans will be awed and amazed by all the giant crap we have or you will be summarily deported. Do let us know which way it goes for ya :-)
Posted by: heather at January 31, 2008 04:38 PM