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Foiled again

I was scheduled to go into the office today, but Mother Nature conspired once again to wreak havoc on the stretch of the TransCanada linking Pembroke and Ottawa. The entire town is one big skating rink, and it's still raining. It's supposed to turn into snow later this afternoon. At least snow provides some traction; although, not very much when it's covering a sheet of ice. Oh well. Tomorrow is another day, right?

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Oh, the weather outside is frightful

I pick the worst days to come in to the office. I really hope that the snow ends and that the ploughs have been working before I have to set out.

There is no way the weather channel was correct in predicting only 1 cm of snow. There's gotta be at least 6 inches out there.

Here's the latest image from the Parliament Hill web cam:

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Bad day already

I cut my hand somehow, I don't even remember how it happened. I looked down when I got to work, and there was my finger, all bloody. Great. Wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't wearing white pants.
To add insult to injury, the project management course I had been promised I would go on started YESTERDAY. They "forgot" about me. If I had any actual talents, I would threaten walking out the door. But having no transferrable skills, I am stuck here in this rabbit warren answering questions about comma splices.
Wednesdays fucking suck.

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Bob Geldof was a smart man

After all, he did hit the nail on the head as far as Mondays were concerned.
For those new to the Saedighverse, I started a new job a while ago. I am an acting manager, while my normal manager is on second language training. It's an interesting job, in that I don't really produce anything and don't really have anything to show for a day's hard work. I do a lot of running around, answering questions, asking questions, removing roadblocks, learning managerial jargon like "removing roadblocks", and paying bills. In my old job, I had a shiny, colourul, grammatically correct bimonthly publication by which to measure my success. With this new job, my success is measured based on a whole stream of statistics, such as journal lateness and client satisfaction.
Today involved a lot of running around, a lot of asking and answering questions, and a lot of removing roadblocks. But I still feel like I accomplished very little. I guess I have to start learning to quantify my success in more subjective ways. Will the journals be on time? Relative to the other groups, yes. Will my client be satisfied? They'll get their journal mailed on time, despite them e-mailing me "critical" changes at 4:30 pm on a Sunday afternoon (hey, I am still a civil servant). Does my staff feel valued? No one has lodged a formal complaint and no one stops talking when I enter the lunch room... well, except for that one time. But I am sure it was a coincidence.
Seriously though, I am enjoying it. It's taking my mind off of certain other things (ahem, renewed violence in Afghanistan, ahem)* and it's definitely forcing me to learn new skills and think on my feet, as well as have more confidence in my decisions. I suddenly find myself in a position of authority, and no one is really doubting it except me. People actually ask my opinion and listen to my answer. Not that I didn't feel valued before. I do work in a fairly receptive environment, considering the limitations of the public sector. But it is a little different now. So far, it's a good thing. I think I am doing okay. Even on Mondays.

*Note to self: if this editor thing doesn't work out, there may be openings for Fact Checkers with Newsweek.

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Manic Monday

I do realise I am writing this on Saturday night, but I am anticipating just how manic my Monday is going to be this week. You see, starting Monday, April 11, 2005, I will be the Managing Editor of the Biomedical Group of Journals. Prestigious sounding, no? And with tht prestige comes a whopping $20.00/week raise. I will try not to spend it all in one place, but I can't make any gaurantees. ;-)
Seriously though, I am excited about it. I've been working there for three and a half years, and was getting pretty desperate for a change. Especially last summer. Things just weren't going very well. This new job promises to be very challenging...I've never really supervised people before...but I think it's a change I really needed.

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Paging Dr. Currie

Sometimes the authors I deal with address me as "Dr. Currie" instead of "Ms. Currie" or "Miss Currie" or "Her Supreme Copy-Editing Magnificence". I get a kick out of that. If only they knew how little I really know with my lowly honours degree.

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Caffeine Redux

Just like Apocolypse Now Redux was ridiculously longer than the original version, Starbucks has become ridiculously more expensive than its original version. Today I paid $1.66 for the same God damn coffee I paid $1.55 for yesterday. When I asked the man in charge of hiring these robber barons to run our cafeteria, he didn't seem to care at all. He doesn't think that $1.66 for a SMALL GOD DAMN COFFEE is an unreasonable price. Well, maybe if more people write him and tell him it's unreasonable, he'll get a better idea. If you have any thoughts on this subject, let me know. I'll see if I can help you be heard.

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Caffeine

We have a new company in charge of food services in our building. I think I may have mentioned it before. The old company used to charge $1.20 for a mediocre, no-name, small coffee. It wasn't great, but it beat lining up at the Tim's drive-thru in morning traffic.
The new company is "proud to brew Starbucks coffee". Last week, we started to pay $1.44 for a mediocre, namebrand, small coffee that I have to add a hell of a lot more sugar to. Today, we discovered that the cashier was punching in the wrong button. She learned this when the Starbucks rep came to ensure the cafeteria was maintaining their "high" standards, I suppose. It seems she should have been charging us $1.55.
When I asked her why the price jumped so much, she told me the story. I said "Well, being such a small company and all, I can see why they want to make sure they don't lose out on any profits." My sarcasm was lost in the translation.
Of course, being an addict, I will pay it. It's still easier than lining up for Tim's with all the other slaves to the grind (pun fully intended).

In other news: Stay tuned, pictures from Quebec City will be here shortly...

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Festivus doesn't sound like such a bad idea...

Today was the Institute Christmas party. I sometimes forget that I work in an Institute, and instead mistake it for an institution. Today was one of those days.

Every year, a different directorate is reponsible for hosting the Christmas party. The first year I was here, 2001, it was my directorate's responsibility. The first order of business was ensuring that it wasn't just a Christmas party, but a Holiday party. We chose a non-denominational theme: snow. I was responsible for the decorations. No one but me realized that the decided-upon palette of "snow" colours - blue, white, and silver - had any other sort of symbolism tied to them. But I digress. My directorate managed to pull off the first really successful Holiday party the Institute had ever seen. Good food, decent music, affordable ticket prices, and free booze (because we couldn't be bothered to apply for a liquor licence.

Fast forward to the year 2004.

Apparently, in three short years, the purchasing power of $10.00 has dropped dramatically. A more conspiracy-theory-oriented blogger might blame the tanking American economy and Dubya for this. I do not. Unfortunately, monkey man can shoulder no blame for the utter crapfest that was today's Christmas party: whitebread sandwiches, Doritos, and carrot and celery sticks served as the main course; wine from a box, rationed into thimble-sized servings and going for $2.00 a "glass"; a talent show that consisted of the same woman singing 8 different Elizabethan carols to really get the party started; and a zydeco band that couldn't pay people to dance to them. Combined with inappropriately dressed attention whores who used the occasion to relive their bra-burning days and don tank tops and short shorts, it is no surprise that my poor friend Marsha is currently turning green in the office beside mine.

Other things we could have done with $10.00:
Gone to an afternoon matinée
Gone to a decent Indian or Moroccan buffet
Given the money to a foodbank (if today's menu is any indication, that money can buy a hell of a lot of Wonderbread)
Pooled the cash to rent out a McDonald's PlayLand and have some real fun
Invested in some high-yield mutual funds and enjoyed a superior party in about 15 years' time

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RSS Feeds?

Hi. If anyone who reads this knows what an RSS Feed is, and can explain it to me in laymen's terms, please do.
Also, if anyone can provide a basic explanation as to how targetted ads and Amazon's "People who bought X, aslo bought these items" feature works, that would also be nice.
I am doing a little project for work, and have no idea what I am doing.

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Baby, it's cold inside...

My office is currently colder than the set of Friends.

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Unintelligible grumblings

How can you be so stupid, yet have a PhD in molecular biology? Wait, scratch that. How can you be so stupid, yet be capable of surviving your morning commute?

Two different authors sent me back their proofs this morning. Both of them completely neglected to follow clear instructions, rendering their corrections completely useless to me. Tell me, were my responses harsh?

E-mail No. 1
-----Original Message-----
From: C, Sarah
Sent: November 18, 2004 10:59 AM
To: 'Idiot No. 1'
Subject: RE: XXX PDF Manuscript proof
Importance: High

Dr. X,
I am implementing your changes, and require clarification on one point.
You have asked that on p. 6 the reference to Table 2 be changed to Table 4. Unfortunately, this is the first reference to Table 2 in the paper. Therefore, changing it will result in the tables being cited out of order in the text, and therefore the tables will have to be renumbered and their locations in the article changed. For example, since Table "4" is now the second table to be cited, it will be renumbered to be Table 2. The old Table "2" is now the last table to be mentioned in the article, so it will have to be renumbered to Table 4. Both tables will then have to switch places in the layout.
Please let me know if you wish me to proceed in this manner. Alternatively, provide me with a different location in which to cite the first reference to Table 4, ensuring that it comes after the first mentions of Tables 2 and 3. You will notice that, for your convenience, the first citations of all tables and figures were highlighted in pink text in the XXX.pdf file.

Please respond as soon as possible so that your article suffers no further delays.
Sincerely,
Sarah C.

E-mail No. 2

-----Original Message-----
From: Currie, Sarah
Sent: November 18, 2004 10:45 AM
To: 'Idiot No. 2'
Subject: Proofs for YYY
Importance: High

Dr. Y,
I have received your galley proofs, but unfortunately it appears that you have neglected to answer the copy editors queries on the copy-edited manuscript. I am enclosing a PDF of the copy-edited manuscript. The password to open it is xxxYYY. Please pay particular attention to the yellow highlighted text, and answer all of the editor's quesitons. Please provide me with your responses within 24 hours to ensure that your article suffers no further delay.
Sincerely,
Sarah C

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Research Press Swim Club: Season 2

Hello, and welcome to the inaugural meeting of the second season of the Research Press Noon Hour Swim Club. Members include: Sarah Currie....present...and....yep, that's all.
Season 1 was a far more successful season for swimming here at Research Press. I've looked at getting the highlights put on DVD, but really, who needs to see my pasty, white, Canadian winter body in digital Hi-Fi glory? Now that I think of it, maybe that's why our membership has dwindled to a mere 25% of our former numbers.
Anyway, today was my first day back in the pool since April. Or maybe May. At any rate, it was nice to get back into it. It's still very much Geriatric swim time, but I don't mind, since it means getting the medium-speed lane all to myself. (I like to leave the fast lane to the mid-life crisis, need to prove I can swim three laps in under a minute and then collapse in the sauna crowd.) Forty laps... not bad for my first day back. My goggles are a little too tight though. I think I may actually have given myself a black eye from the suction.
Hopefully next week I can convince someone to join me. Not that I am capable of talking while swimming, but having a work-out buddy can be a motivating factor.

Product Review: Tropicana Calcium Supplement
I don't drink milk. Not unless it's got chocolate in it. And even then, my tastes are particular. When I was a kid, my chocolate milk had to be "as chocolatey as chocolate ice cream." Now, it has to be PC Organics 1% Chocolate Milk. You have no idea what you're missing if you haven't tried it yet. But I digress. I haven't drunk (drank? drinkened?) regular milk since I was a little less than two. I have a taste aversion following a particularly nasty bout of intestinal upset that landed me in the Children's Hospital of Eastern Ontario. I don't really remember any of it, other than playing in bed with a set of Fisher Price little people, but since then milk has been a big No! My sister used to try to trick me into drinking plain milk by blindfolding me and asking me to guess how much Hershey syrup she'd added to it (when she hadn't added any), but she always got the same result: me gagging and spitting it out. I just can't drink it. Even the smell of it makes me queasy. And milkbreath or milk mustaches on other people...fuhgedabowdid. So, I need to get my calcium somehow, and what better way than orange juice, right?
Price: $2.45 for 414 mL.
Calcium content: 604 mg.
% RDI: 100%.
Taste: Just like regular orange juice.
Value: Too damn expensive to use daily, as recommended by the Orange Juice Lobby, even after factoring out the medical costs of osteoporosis. I think I will stick to calcium pills and cheese. Mmmm. Cheese.

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'Tis the season

I could almost forgive The Bay for opening its Christmas boutique a week after Thanksgiving (which is in October up here).

When I was shopping last Thursday for a decent pair of pyjama bottoms, I was mostly able to drown out the carols being piped into mall.

But this is inexcuseable:

-----Original Message-----
From: [The Christmas Party Gestapo]
Sent: November 9, 2004 1:25 PM
To: M-55 Everyone; CISTI, XBS
Subject: M-55 Christmas Party Talent Show - Artistes en herbe au party
de Noël de M-55

(Le français suit l'anglais)

Hello everyone,

In preparation for the upcoming M-55 Christmas Party, we are searching
for all M-55 people willing to show off their "hidden talents" as part
of our planned "Talent Show".

We are inviting anyone and everyone to join us as a singer, musician,
clown act, caroller, or whatever you feel you can contribute to this
special M-55 talent show. Please, don’t be shy!

Interested persons (or if you know of someone we should consider
contacting) please call [DELETED TO PROTECT THE NOT SO INNOCENT] Thank you for your support!

____________________________________________________________________

NO! NO! NO! NO! A thousand times NO! A talent show? Are you kidding me? You expect me to shell out $7.00 (that's almost a real $7.00 for you Americans) to eat cold sausage rolls and drink tepid wine from a box, and now you want to subject me to the trolls in the basement stuttering through some Kids in the Hall skit that they can't remember the words to? (Doing comedy you can't understand is like putting that emPHAsis on the wrong syllABle.) In. Credible.

I think I feel a time-delayed case of ebola coming on. The hemhorraging will probably start at approximately noon on December 15th. What a shame.

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Cheese please

Yesterday was our 75th anniversary. We had a nice little reception downstairs where they served wine from actual bottles and there were guys in starchy white aprons walking around offering me canapés. Now, I have long held that a party isn't a party without a nifty cheese tray. It's kind of a really lame running gag that I have. If I am asked to attend a work-related function (group meeting, board meeting, committee meeting, meeting meeting....we have a lot of meetings), I usually ask "Will there be a cheese tray?". Well, it seems to have paid off. The Powers of Be heard my pleas and delivered in spades. The cheese tray provided for yesterday's festivities took up two tables. Gouda, havarti, blue, brie, chevre... huge bricks of wonderful, yummy, savoury cheese! Unfortunately, I think I may have overindulged, and could possibly have adversely affected the results of this morning's cholesterol test.

Currently reading: Eats, shoots and leaves
I can forgive the author for her lack of a serial comma in the title, because she shares my chagrin for misplaced apostrophes.

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Have you got those TPS reports?

Today is a pretty blah day. My inbox is empty. Not for lack of work, mind you. No. There's plenty of work. It's just all stuck in a bottle neck. Nineteen manuscripts that need to be sent to their authors that I haven't had a chance to look at yet.
So, here I am, wasting time and government dime, waiting for the next cog in the wheel to kick into gear.

Things I've learned so far:

Mole rats, being blind, have a keen sense of smell. When they encounter one another in a tunnel, they sniff out one another's status. The junior mole rat then has to pass underneath the senior mole rat.

There is no definitive resource where you can find out if the word "chick" as it refers to women is at all related to the word "schiksa". Oh, and there are a lot of ways to spell "schiksa/shiksa/shikse".

B.C. sales tax has been rolled back by 0.5% because of a $1 billion surplus.

Random.org is a true random number service. Random.com is not.

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