Haute Tension
I've been a little stressed lately. Anyone who knows me well, knows I can be a worrier. If you know me really, really well, you'd probably say "worry" might even be an understatement.
Moving is stressful. Moving across an international boundary even more so. Canada and the Unites States maybe similar, but they're definitely not the same. Moving across the 49th parallel is no different, administratively or bureaucratically speaking, than moving across the Atlantic or Pacific. Ensuring that a regular move goes smoothly is a feat. Ensuring that an international move goes smoothly is an epic. Luckily, Capt Mike has been on staycation since mid-May, so he has done pretty much all of the leg and paper work involved in getting us back to the Motherland. But there's a lot to keep track of, and so I worry. I worry that we haven't filled out all of the forms we're supposed to. I worry that because we've only been down here 50 weeks, and not 52, we haven't budgeted enough for the customs taxes we could get dinged with. I worry that we will not have enough room in a 2003 Sentra to allow us to travel with two dogs for two weeks. With Dexter alone, space was tight. On the way down, we were naive. We thought our stuff would show up when it was supposed to. On our way back, we are jaded, and will be travelling with an air mattress, bedding, and camp-style cooking implements. Well, we will as long as there is room in a 2003 Sentra. I haven't measured it yet. I may have to get up early tomorrow morning to do so, just to set my mind at ease.
Knowing that you are 6 paycheques away from a year of unemployment is also stressful. Sure, we worked out a budget....but back when gasoline cost $1.15 per litre. I checked today... the lowest price in Trenton is $1.31. And it's just the beginning of summer. The price is sure to rise before I leave my job and return to school full time, a school that is 103 km away from where we live. At that price, in my Sentra, it will cost us approximately $360 per month just to get me to school and back. Luckily, that commute will not occur every month. Hopefully, my practicum placement will be closer to home...possibly even within cycling distance. Please, universe, let my practicum be within cycling distance!
I worry that I made the wrong choice. If I'd chosen to accept a college program, I wouldn't have to commute as far. We might not have needed a second car. The cost of tuition would be cheaper. I wouldn't have labs to attend every Tuesday and Thursday night, leaving my schedule ridiculously inconvenient in terms of finding part-time work. I worry that I am kidding myself, that I should not be a teacher, that I am giving up a perfectly good, decent-paying government job (that I hate) with security and benefits (that I no longer really need) for a field in which I am unproven. I worry that Whatever Is In Charge Of These Things sees me as ungrateful, someone who's blown her perfectly good chance, and is unlikely to reap any further rewards during this lifetime.
I worry.
And yet, I leap.
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